In the vastness of the universe, I believe that two emotions are at play: Love and fear. In my life, I have experienced the magnitude of both, the vastness, the depths, the highs, the isolation, the comradery.
There was a time when I knew that love existed, but I did not believe in it. That sounds contradictory, but it worked for me. In my world, love desires the spiritual well-being of another. This is the highest love. Because I had trouble defining what that looked like for me, I retreated.
Somehow the sleep has left my eyes, and I am waking up to things that I always knew existed. Everything has changed; everything is different. The morning sunrise brings tears to my eyes, not of sadness but of the magnificence of this place we call Earth. I see the beauty in all things where I only saw darkness before. I find joy in the solitude of a quiet day. The children that grace me with their day reflect to me what I give to them. Lately, their reflections are happy and joyful.
The particularly lovely piece in all of this is the shift inside of me happened naturally. I placed my desires on the wind, and while I felt very shallow and self-centered throughout my process of rediscovery, I have found that people are drawn to me because they want to find out what I have. Why was my day so good? Why was my evening so great? Nothing of true import happens in most of the spaces of my life; however, in each moment I am making an impression.
The impression is lasting as each day grows ever so slightly more joyful than the one before. I inch closer every day to the transcendence of self. I may never arrive, but I am on the most incredible journey. I am grateful for all of the scars, bumps, and bruises that I have accrued along the way. Each one tells a story of how I became stronger, better, and more powerful.
At one time in my life my modus operandi was fear. If I looked for fear I would always find it. Always. Anger, worry, resentment, and disappointment all came from my fear. My life was tragic because I had not realized the capabilities inside of me. Potential is something that has been philosophized for centuries. My potential lay dormant, asleep.
I fully realize that I have the fortune of contemplating such things. The place I call home is not filled with atrocities of war or a struggle for basic needs. When I pray, I pray for healing where ever it may be needed, for whoever is ready for it. I pray for potential, actualized. I pray for an opening to end unnecessary suffering. When I pray, I pray for love. May you have some too.