I almost forgot about my previous thirteen years of learning lessons. I almost started to make the same mistakes. I almost began the litany of self-doubt in my mind. I almost felt something close to heart break for decisions that I have no control over. I almost didn’t make the bed for two days as clean sheets lay strewn on the floor. I almost didn’t pack a lunch or eat breakfast. I almost forgot to make my daily gratitude list. I almost let myself become completely distracted by things beyond my capability to change.
Almost. But not today. I took a hard look at the moon and the stars in the sky this morning. I saw Scorpio laid out before me. I thought about the magic of the universe and how all of my steps although not necessarily orchestrated have lead me to a grand place. There is no one else on this earth I would rather be than me. Despite my many flaws and imperfections I openly accept all aspects of myself that have previously been shameful.
I almost forgot previous lessons because my heart palpated for someone else for a few moments. Those moments while incredible are no comparison to who I am at the core of me. I almost forgot to breathe. I almost forgot that I have a choice in how I feel and in my reactions. I almost forgot that I am in charge of me.
Almost. But not today. The soft breeze that kissed my face reminded me of the fortunes of my life. The warm mid-afternoon sun upon my shoulders nudged me to continue my quest for what my mind cannot label and only my heart knows.
I almost forgot to let go. I almost forgot that everything will work itself out. I almost forgot to look for the will of the universe upon me. I almost forgot that I make decisions for the greater good. I almost forgot that my journey has only begun. I almost acted like it was ending.
Almost. But not today. Today, my hands are able. My heart is full. And the world opened itself to me in a gentle reminder that the possibility of true love does exist. There is little else I could ask for. There is little else that I could want. Just knowing that my search is not in vain is enough for me to not forget where I have been. I choose to drop my heartache both present and past in order to be free for a moment.
I almost forgot how much I loved me. Almost. But not today.