Luminous Joy

Under a desert sky A transcendent spirit Is wrapped with care For a transfer Written in the stars Through transformative corridors. The cool air replaces the heat Transfixed on the place Scurrying life pauses. The message transmitted: A celebration is near But this transition Needs time. All transgressions dissolved Into dust While your translucent memory…

Dear Mama,

Dear Mama, Can you believe we made it? To the other side, I mean. It’s been four years, to the day, since you transitioned to the next Universal space. Mama, I’m sorry I haven’t written to you directly before now. I didn’t know what to say. I had no desire to try and pull you…

Mama Always Said Choose the Joy

About a week ago, I put this picture on Instagram. The caption is simple: Choose the joy. That is what my mom always said. This picture was taken while I was laughing with a dear friend as we sat across the table from a man dying from a horrible cancer with a terrible prognosis. And…

Rosé for Mary

Rosé for Mary A Divine Comedy A prayer of sincerity (The Lift) Forgive of me The ignorance That haunts my being Into the Inferno Of my ghost Lift from me The inequities That bind my soul Into the Purgatory Of my mind Unveil to me The grace That frees my spirit Into the Paradise Of…

Somewhere Between

Somewhere between the first anniversary of your death and the second anniversary of celebrating your birthday without you – I have moved into a better space. The astonishment of feeling guilty for not missing you is not something for which I had prepared, nor was the feeling of overwhelming nostalgia for you as I sat…

Four Your Favorite Number

Undiscovered I: The streets are blocked Just like my mind Uncomfortable and hot I search for a cool drink And all I hear are the echoes of your voice At the card table Searching for the Marfa lights In your bedroom Nature swoons to remember you The wind across the desert The butterflies and birds…

The Morning You Died

I have no idea what I was wearing. There is really no way to figure out such insignificant details. Sleepy and confused I sat by your side. You gasped and heaved for a breath. Your eyes were wide and distant. Watching your chest rise and fall, counting each breath knowing your passage was near. I…

My Bravest Moment

Yesterday, I delivered the eulogy at my sweet mama’s memorial service. It was not nearly as hard as I had imagined and certainly won’t compare to the emptiness I will feel in the days to come. But for today, I can say that I am proud of myself that I tried to give my mother a proper good-bye. After…

unpublished love 5

trastevere, il primo agosto reveal to me what i left behind 19 years ago presented with choices i did my best to remain intact a battle insignificant to most gave to me courage bravery gratitude reaching into the coffers i request a large withdrawal that depletes my accounts as i beg for mercy and ask…

Family Gifts: The River and Cards

Ever since I can remember my family has combatted boredom in two ways: 1.) Go to the river 2.) Play cards My personal favorite is to play cards at the river. This does not literally have to be on the banks of the river, although when camping that’s fun too. My family has a great…

unpublished love 4

as St Cecilia with her Roman veneration lies in stone slumber the streets rise and fall the walls close in clawing our way through dark invitations of death warning bells chime Hurry Leave Away SPQR tattooed on everything Roman atrocities are evident if you listen carefully they will try to capture your soul to feed…

unpublished love 3

the rose petals have fallen, sunken, dropped italian frescoes crumble into piles of expensive dust  where cars whizz by without a care onto ancient roads of traveled souls, where gold seeps into the aqueducts  where the decadence of Rome poisons the people into believing that gratitude is not a blessing to be revered  when discoveries…