For my birthday one year, my mom gave me all of her writings from 1960 to what was present day. In 1973, my dad had undergone open heart surgery, and they had been told he maybe had 8 years to live. Having trouble processing what was their new reality, she was assigned to write a…
Tag: death
Mama Always Said Choose the Joy
About a week ago, I put this picture on Instagram. The caption is simple: Choose the joy. That is what my mom always said. This picture was taken while I was laughing with a dear friend as we sat across the table from a man dying from a horrible cancer with a terrible prognosis. And…
Somewhere Between
Somewhere between the first anniversary of your death and the second anniversary of celebrating your birthday without you – I have moved into a better space. The astonishment of feeling guilty for not missing you is not something for which I had prepared, nor was the feeling of overwhelming nostalgia for you as I sat…
Four Your Favorite Number
Undiscovered I: The streets are blocked Just like my mind Uncomfortable and hot I search for a cool drink And all I hear are the echoes of your voice At the card table Searching for the Marfa lights In your bedroom Nature swoons to remember you The wind across the desert The butterflies and birds…
The Morning You Died
I have no idea what I was wearing. There is really no way to figure out such insignificant details. Sleepy and confused I sat by your side. You gasped and heaved for a breath. Your eyes were wide and distant. Watching your chest rise and fall, counting each breath knowing your passage was near. I…
My Bravest Moment
Yesterday, I delivered the eulogy at my sweet mama’s memorial service. It was not nearly as hard as I had imagined and certainly won’t compare to the emptiness I will feel in the days to come. But for today, I can say that I am proud of myself that I tried to give my mother a proper good-bye. After…
unpublished love 5
trastevere, il primo agosto reveal to me what i left behind 19 years ago presented with choices i did my best to remain intact a battle insignificant to most gave to me courage bravery gratitude reaching into the coffers i request a large withdrawal that depletes my accounts as i beg for mercy and ask…
as i learn to walk again
at a pivotal age i learned that life ends and begins around me a pet deer a dead father tadpoles in the pool kidnappers behind the swing i begged for lighting rods ant bait and code words to protect me from my own mind i have experience with the dark night and the sun will…
THE GREATEST GIFT MY MOTHER EVER GAVE ME
The greatest gift my mother ever gave me was to comfort me while I openly grieved her death. As I write this, it sounds so horribly morbid. You must understand this is what a young girl does after her family unit has been turned upside down. My father dying was tragic, but my brothers’ moving…
THE ENDURING MEMORY OF A COWBOY
Experiences are the foundation of life. Even though I have been a native Texan for most of my life, it wasn’t until I moved to rural New Mexico that I cultivated a deep love, respect, and admiration for cowboys. My life has always been on the periphery of cowboys and ranchers, but until I moved…
arlisann 