BEING PRESENT

The price of being honest is worth the risk every time. That is the lesson I have learned this week. People tend to show their colors when confronted with honesty, a benefit to the truth teller. When honesty is not met with logic I admit to getting a little crazy.

Even when the palms of my hands sweat and my heart beats rapidly, I have always been an incredibly honest person. It is true that I do not concern myself with timing. In my world, everything runs on “Arlis” time. It is a selfish habit that I have yet to break. I tend to drop bombs of truth in the worst of places and then try and pick up collateral damage later. For whatever reason this is how I operate. It can get ugly.

It would absolutely be easier to operate under the guise that some of my innards are private to those closest to me, but I have not yet mastered the art of privacy. My life has always been an open book to anyone willing to listen. I just want to make sure the listener is kind to what I need to say. The risk is that this is not always the case.

Yes, I do have expectations of how my messages will be received. Yes, I already know that expectations can kill anything good in this world. Spare me the advice of that dear reader, but I thank you kindly if those were your thoughts.

My life must be lived in the light. If my light brings darkness to another then I must not assume that darkness to be my own. My difficult lesson is allowing my message to truly permeate. Despite years of patiently waiting, I am evidently a very impatient person.

It’s so hard to be patient when hope and fear work through my mind.  I give in to fear one moment and hope the next. A battle rages in my mind, and I do not understand what to feel or believe about love, the world, or myself.

If for a moment I can get my mind to be still then answers abound. Last night I prayed for the first time in a very long time. My prayer was asking God, the Universe, how to live in the present moment without projecting hopes and desires in the future.

It was an honest request and the Universe honestly responded. I was propelled to pick up a book that held the answer. Within the first twenty pages it was evident. To live in the present moment and quiet the “second mind” you must look to the horizon. That’s it. Looking at the horizon, the distance, propels us to see all the myriad of things changing around us. Noticing the movement of the stars, the sun, the clouds, the moon forces us to live in the now.

Tonight was one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen. And I shared it with someone I love dearly. I could not ask for more. For my eyes have seen a glimpse of the vastness, the depth, and the love in this world that I am open enough to see. It is my prayer that we all look to the horizon and acknowledge the here and now.

Honestly living in the present moment is all that I could ever hope or dream of while occupying my space on Earth. Ever. I turn to the horizon to guide me back to a centered place even if I must do it one hundred times or more in a day.

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